In the book store...
- Customer: "Yesterday I bought a book from you "How to become a Millionaire"
- Sales person: "So? "
- Customer: "Well, half of the book is missing!"
- Sales person: "So what?" Since when $500.000.00 isn't good enough!"
Professor to his student:
- You just tolled me so much about bowling... but I hope you would agree with me, that your deep knowledge and expertise in this aria had very little to do with nuclear physics.
Billy was regularly providing financial assistance to his brother-student, but finally he told him:
- Enough is enough! Starting next month I would not send you a penny. I got married!
- Are you going to support your wife on my money? - wondered his brother
Blonde answering professor's questions:
- Tell me please, what is it, when woman opens her mouth and there is no sound? - And then after her answer professor responds:
- No, it is not a blow job! It is a silent movie!!
What is a difference between exam and a lecture?
- During lecture, Professor tells his students unbelievable things about stuff, which none of them have even heard.
During exam they turn the tables around and student tell professor unbelievable things
Work of professor and work of inquisition are very similar:
- In the beginning - parable
- Parable then torching and executions...
One professor to another:
- Why in your classroom all system components are located under the table?
- I love to watch how girl students are looking for USB port
Criminal law exam:
- Please, explain meaning of fraud
- Fraud, professor, is going to happened if you would not allow me to pass exam
- Please, explain...
- According to law, professor, person who would take advantage of another person who not aware of subject in question, causes damages to that person
At autumn time, brothels become full of those who did not make into the college.
- What is the difference between soft and hard body?
- Hard body enters the soft body and soft body did not resist
Exam in the medical school:
- Tell me, please, how embryo breathes?
- Thru vagina - without hesitancy responds student
Exam in the medical school, professor asks a young blonde:
- What is in your opinion human stool consist of?
- Out of calories! - Very seriously responds blonde.
2am Phone rings in the professor's home:
- We are studying, but you are sleeping, idiot
- Well, actually I'm taking exam from your three girlfriends and by the way they are top students!! So guys, go back to your studies!!
During exam professor yells:
- You don't know anything!!!
- Sorry, professor, I thought my exam is going to be tomorrow!!
Exam. Professor tells very distressed student:
- Don't worry so much! Do you fear my questions?
- No, I afraid of my answers!!
One student to another:
- You know, our professor talks to himself...
- Our professor is doing the same thing, but he does not know about it, he think that we are listening to him.
- According to statistics 18% of women constantly want, 23% are in love with oral sex, 38% regularly commit adultery..
Student from far away in the class room:
- Hell with statistics! Give us their names, phone numbers and addresses!!
Typical situation during exam: one did not know answers, another - had no questions.
Mathematical analysis session:
- Student, did you prepare your homework?
- I don't have time.
- Student, you disappointed me
In the men's room. Professor stands next to the student and scratches his head:
- Something wrong, professor?
- Well, well, sclerosis.. Remember that it's somewhere in the hair... but I don't remember where...
Professor and his assistant return from business trip, professor:
- How are you planning to check if your wife did not commit adultery?
- I will open a closet and look for a lover! What about you, professor?
- I am going to open a closet and look for stuff I never bought for my wife!
Drunk student returns to his dormitory at 3 am, takes of one of his shoes ant throws it at the wall.
Somebody yells from another room:
- Hey, idiot it's 3am!!! You are not letting us sleep!!!
Then first student very quietly takes off another shoe and goes to sleep.
4 am another student yells again:
- Hey, idiot! How much longer we should wait on you to throw another shoe?