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In the book store...
- Customer: "Yesterday I bought a book from you "How to become a Millionaire"
- Sales person: "So? "
- Customer: "Well, half of the book is missing!"
- Sales person: "So what?" Since when $500.000.00 isn't good enough!" -
Professor to his student:
- You just tolled me so much about bowling... but I hope you would agree with me, that your deep knowledge and expertise in this aria had very little to do with nuclear physics. -
Billy was regularly providing financial assistance to his brother-student, but finally he told him:
- Enough is enough! Starting next month I would not send you a penny. I got married!
- Are you going to support your wife on my money? - wondered his brother -
Blonde answering professor's questions:
- Tell me please, what is it, when woman opens her mouth and there is no sound? - And then after her answer professor responds:
- No, it is not a blow job! It is a silent movie!! -
What is a difference between exam and a lecture?
- During lecture, Professor tells his students unbelievable things about stuff, which none of them have even heard.
During exam they turn the tables around and student tell professor unbelievable things -
Work of professor and work of inquisition are very similar:
- In the beginning - parable
- Parable then torching and executions... -
One professor to another:
- Why in your classroom all system components are located under the table?
- I love to watch how girl students are looking for USB port -
Criminal law exam:
- Please, explain meaning of fraud
- Fraud, professor, is going to happened if you would not allow me to pass exam
- Please, explain...
- According to law, professor, person who would take advantage of another person who not aware of subject in question, causes damages to that person - At autumn time, brothels become full of those who did not make into the college.
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Physic's exam
- What is the difference between soft and hard body?
- Hard body enters the soft body and soft body did not resist -
Exam in the medical school:
- Tell me, please, how embryo breathes?
- Thru vagina - without hesitancy responds student -
Exam in the medical school, professor asks a young blonde:
- What is in your opinion human stool consist of?
- Out of calories! - Very seriously responds blonde. -
2am Phone rings in the professor's home:
- We are studying, but you are sleeping, idiot
- Well, actually I'm taking exam from your three girlfriends and by the way they are top students!! So guys, go back to your studies!! -
During exam professor yells:
- You don't know anything!!!
- Sorry, professor, I thought my exam is going to be tomorrow!! -
Exam. Professor tells very distressed student:
- Don't worry so much! Do you fear my questions?
- No, I afraid of my answers!! -
One student to another:
- You know, our professor talks to himself...
- Our professor is doing the same thing, but he does not know about it, he think that we are listening to him. -
Professor sexology:
- According to statistics 18% of women constantly want, 23% are in love with oral sex, 38% regularly commit adultery..
Student from far away in the class room:
- Hell with statistics! Give us their names, phone numbers and addresses!! - Typical situation during exam: one did not know answers, another - had no questions.
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Mathematical analysis session:
- Student, did you prepare your homework?
- No
- Why?
- I don't have time.
- Girls?
- No
- Student, you disappointed me -
In the men's room. Professor stands next to the student and scratches his head:
- Something wrong, professor?
- Well, well, sclerosis.. Remember that it's somewhere in the hair... but I don't remember where... -
Professor and his assistant return from business trip, professor:
- How are you planning to check if your wife did not commit adultery?
- I will open a closet and look for a lover! What about you, professor?
- I am going to open a closet and look for stuff I never bought for my wife! -
Drunk student returns to his dormitory at 3 am, takes of one of his shoes ant throws it at the wall.
Somebody yells from another room:
- Hey, idiot it's 3am!!! You are not letting us sleep!!!
Then first student very quietly takes off another shoe and goes to sleep.
4 am another student yells again:
- Hey, idiot! How much longer we should wait on you to throw another shoe?