Sex therapists discovered connection between humor and sex!:
- If it would be too funny, the sex would never happen.
- If sex has a problem, then it is not funny at all.
Two girlfriends sit-down for lunch:
- I cheated on my husband today...
- I hope you did it in a name of love!
- Of course, for love! $100.00 are not a money our days!
Mom! Bobby finally did propose!
- Congratulations! What did your answer?
- I did not answer... I wasn't sure... He proposed to do it at his place or in the park
One woman complains to another:
-"You know, I'm in a horrible situation"
-'Well, every year I have a baby"
-'Did you ever try not to date your husband for at least two years? - asks another.
-"Yes, I did, but it did not help..."
Two girlfriends in the Starbuck:
"Kids are our happiness, men are our weakness" - says one girlfriend.
"Well, once you have weakness and then you are having happiness till the rest of your life!"- replied another
- "You are an old beach!"
- "I disagree!"- Wife replies
- "What age has to do with it?"
Russian man has a mistress, but he loves his wife.
Frenchman has a wife, but he loves his mistress.
Jewish guy has a wife and a mistress, but he loves his mother.
Woman came to pharmacy and asked pharmacist to sell her a poison. Pharmacist refuses to sell. Then woman gets out her wallet a photograph of a naked woman and a naked man in compromise position and shows this photo to a pharmacist. After short silence, recognizing his wife, pharmacist responds:" Well, madam if you have a prescription..."
"My sister just had a baby"
"Thank you, but she forgot to write: boy or girl..."
"I don't know who I am: Aunt or an uncle!"
"Mommy! Do you know where Napoleon died?"
"On Saint Elena!"
"O, God! What they are teaching you in school now days!"
Why God gave legs to women?
- For only one reason - so men do not get lost and arrive to a right place
In the morning a men and a woman wake up in one bed and man says:
- I can't not recognize you!
- Do I look so bad?
- No... Who are you?
- How many times a week you have sex with your wife?
- time and a half.
- I don't understand: time and a half...
- Well, sometimes 3 times in two weeks.
Dear, .let's make love!
- O! Homey, I have such an awful headache!
- Dear, I don't need your head for it!
- You would not believe what they showed me yesterday - such an unusual pose:
She is under and he is on top.. They called it retro
- What means sex- bomb?
- It's a woman, one look at which, causes men to feel the end...
If woman did not want you, it means she desperately wants it, but not you.
Men always think that the bigger the woman's breasts are the less brains they have.
I don't share their view. I think opposite. The bigger the woman's breasts the less brains left for men who are around her
- Is sex thoughts ever come to mind?
- Yes, they live there!
- Why woman always says "no", even when she wants to say "yes"
- If woman would say "yes" right away, then we'll have nothing left to talk about.
- Wife wake up, her husband is laying on her night:
- Dear, I am cold..!
Husband brings her another blanket, then wife again:
- Dear, I am hot..!
Husband. Open the window, but wife again:
- Honey, I want a man..!
- Dear, where in the middle of the night I would find you a man
Husband asks his wife:
- Dear, what doctor advised you to do?
- He advised to have sex 15 times a week
- Good, then you can count on me twice
- What is a difference between eccentric men and weirdo men
First one would take a feather and would caress a butt of his woman.
A second one would use a whole bird for it!