"What Newton really thought when apple hit him on a head?"
- "Well, strange, I thought I was sitting under the pear tree..."
Sex scientists during his research study discovered that it is not so bad to be a sex scientists!
Johnson even in his childhood dreams wanted to be a sales person! When he grew up - he became a salesperson. States - are a country where all dreams became a reality!
- Opinion of optimist - glass half full
- Opinion of pessimist - glass half empty
- Opinion of engineer - Glass twice as big as required
One professor addresses another:
- I think, opinions of idiots coincide
- I have same opinion
Legend says, that when Aristotle created a logic, he ordered to kill 40 donkeys for his celebration of such major discovery. Since that time donkeys hated the logic
Two geneticist have a discussion:
- How your new potato is doing?
- Which one?
- That one with last modifications? I'm still convinced that it was very bad idea to even start a research!
- Shaaaaaa.... She could hear!!
Nobel's committee is a ritual sect, which uses cult to reward the most stupid scientists!
Scientist talks to a farmer:
- This apple tree would not give you any apples
- I know, I know, because this tree is not an apple tree, it is a peer tree
Sociology is a very precise science! The outcome results equal to what you pay for it.
Two professors are discussing that good ideas often come alone at night time:
- Just in case, I always keep a piece of pepper on my night stand - Said one.
- Well, for such occasions I always keep young stenographer in my bed! - Replied another
Scientists discovered that laughing extends life for 5 min, but glass of milk for 10 min.
People! laugh over the glass of milk!
It is a lot easier for boxer to defend his PhD then write it.
Scientists from Harvard discovered that mice multiplies a lot faster without their presence!
What is the difference between genius and a crazy person?
In the office of intellectual properties attorney:
- I created an ecological vibrator!
- Tell me about it, please...
- Well it is a life bee inside bamboo tube.
- Professor, would you, please teach my son to play the piano?
- Does he has a good ear?
- Well, when I call him, he always responds!
Lady in boutique store:
- Would you, please help me to find a night gown 20 feet long
- What for do you need such a long night gown?
- My husband is a scientist. Search for him is way more important, then results.
Son asking his father who is weatherman:
- Dad, tell me please, if your predictions ever the sane as a weather?
- Yes, predictions always.., but dates - never!
Weatherman dictates forecast report to his secretary:
- Sunday - rain, temperature...
Secretary: I'm so sorry... I had plans for Sunday, I was planning to jog
Weatherman: Ok, and then cross out rain
Why so many people are against cloning?
- Because the first experience was bad!
- What experience?
- First one, when God created Eva from the Adam's rib!
All dinosaurian were alike - just different scientists were doing assembly