Little boy is writing letter to Santa:
Please give me a small brother or a small sister"
Santa immediately sends him reply:
"No problem!! Just send me your mommy!"
January 1. Policemen stops the car. Drunk driver;
- Could you imagine, officer, tonight three of us had 4 liters of vodka.. And then 3 boxes of beer...
- How much? Just breathe!!!...
- Officer! You don't believe me???
We have a tradition:
Every year on December 31 we take a walk,
January 1 - we already could not take a walk...
New Year, Christmas tree, lights..
A neighborhood dog passing by and think: "Finally they provide lights to my toilet!"
Not every Santa Clause could get to the half of his gift list, without missing Mrs. Clause
After New Year Eve, all work in the office was paralyzed. No one of the employees would remember their passwords for their computers...
Childhood ends, when you want that all your wishes would be fulfilled not by Santa Clause, but by the Snow maiden.
At New Year Eve only toilets benefit - they see so many new faces!
Santa Clause brings gifts to two brothers and they ask him:
- Santa, Do you afraid of a global warming?
- Jimmy! Turn on the heater! Let him know how it feels to get books for a gift!
Husband comes home:
- Who is that?
- Why he is shaved?
- Why he is undressed?
- Because it is warm!
"Last New, Year Santa got in our house through the fireplace chimney once again... But same day father returned home from his business trip... That year I got Santa's bag full of gifts: candies, champagne and package of elastic air balloons"...
Letter to Santa:
- Dear Santa! I was good for a whole year, please give me a real gun and real radio
December 31, President locks him self in the President's Office
- Because, the way you meet New Year, you are going to live till the next year!
If you want to drink for free on the New Year Eve - dress up like a Santa.
Three friends after New Year selebration:
- I celebrated this Hew Year on Hawaiians Islands with beautiful young girls!
- I celebrated New Year in India touring on elephants!
- I celebrated New Year with both of you in the same family room, but I did not smoke weed
From stingy man diary:
- Christmas Day was beautiful! I did not give gifts to anybody!
- Salad "New Year mask"- the last salad you slept in
- Can you imaging? New Year Eve this year comes on Friday!
- I hope it is not on 13!
I don't believe that Santa Clause came to everybody on Christmas Day! He could not possibly drink so much!!
If you did not give present to your kid at Christmas, at least give him as a present baby brother or baby sister.
If on January 1 morning, your toothbrush does not fit in your mouth, it means you are trying to brush your teeth with shoe brush
- How did you celebrate a New Year?
- As a gift
- What do you mean?
- A whole night I spent under the Christmas tree
January 1, Parents called their son:
- Son, Happy New Year! How did you meet a New Year?
- I did not meet.. It came by itself - son replied after long night of drinking
Next night after the New Year celebration. Phone ringing, men answers the phone with angry comment:
- What an idiot calls at 16 pm at night?..
The shortest day of the year - January 1, when you wake up its already evening.
Husband wakes up after the New Year celebration and asks his wife:
- Did we celebrate a New Year?
- What day is it today?
- January 2
- What about January 1, is it already passed?
Dad, which train is the latest one?
- That one, which you promised to give me as present last year...
- Son, who taught you such a bad word?
- Santa, mommy, when he tripped over my bike.
- What we are going to do on New Year Eve?
- Drink vodka
- It's so boring! Let's not turn holidays in every day routine!