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Christmas time..
Little boy is writing letter to Santa:
"Dear Santa!
Please give me a small brother or a small sister"
Santa immediately sends him reply:
"No problem!! Just send me your mommy!" -
January 1. Policemen stops the car. Drunk driver;
- Could you imagine, officer, tonight three of us had 4 liters of vodka.. And then 3 boxes of beer...
- How much? Just breathe!!!...
- Officer! You don't believe me??? -
Assembly instructions for Christmas tree:
- Plastic stick - 1 piece
- Branches -2 pieces
- Needles - 4242 pieces
- Glue - 4 gallons -
We have a tradition:
Every year on December 31 we take a walk,
January 1 - we already could not take a walk... -
New Year, Christmas tree, lights..
A neighborhood dog passing by and think: "Finally they provide lights to my toilet!" - Not every Santa Clause could get to the half of his gift list, without missing Mrs. Clause
- After New Year Eve, all work in the office was paralyzed. No one of the employees would remember their passwords for their computers...
- Childhood ends, when you want that all your wishes would be fulfilled not by Santa Clause, but by the Snow maiden.
- At New Year Eve only toilets benefit - they see so many new faces!
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Santa Clause brings gifts to two brothers and they ask him:
- Santa, Do you afraid of a global warming?
- Yes!
- Jimmy! Turn on the heater! Let him know how it feels to get books for a gift! -
Husband comes home:
- Who is that?
- Santa!
- Why he is shaved?
- Hygienic!
- Why he is undressed?
- Because it is warm! -
Childhood memories
"Last New, Year Santa got in our house through the fireplace chimney once again... But same day father returned home from his business trip... That year I got Santa's bag full of gifts: candies, champagne and package of elastic air balloons"... -
Letter to Santa:
- Dear Santa! I was good for a whole year, please give me a real gun and real radio
Officer Dummy -
December 31, President locks him self in the President's Office
- Why?
- Because, the way you meet New Year, you are going to live till the next year! - If you want to drink for free on the New Year Eve - dress up like a Santa.
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Three friends after New Year selebration:
- I celebrated this Hew Year on Hawaiians Islands with beautiful young girls!
- I celebrated New Year in India touring on elephants!
- I celebrated New Year with both of you in the same family room, but I did not smoke weed -
From stingy man diary:
- Christmas Day was beautiful! I did not give gifts to anybody! -
Culinary news:
- Salad "New Year mask"- the last salad you slept in -
Two blondes:
- Can you imaging? New Year Eve this year comes on Friday!
- I hope it is not on 13! - I don't believe that Santa Clause came to everybody on Christmas Day! He could not possibly drink so much!!
- If you did not give present to your kid at Christmas, at least give him as a present baby brother or baby sister.
- If on January 1 morning, your toothbrush does not fit in your mouth, it means you are trying to brush your teeth with shoe brush
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- How did you celebrate a New Year?
- As a gift
- What do you mean?
- A whole night I spent under the Christmas tree -
January 1, Parents called their son:
- Son, Happy New Year! How did you meet a New Year?
- I did not meet.. It came by itself - son replied after long night of drinking -
Next night after the New Year celebration. Phone ringing, men answers the phone with angry comment:
- What an idiot calls at 16 pm at night?.. - The shortest day of the year - January 1, when you wake up its already evening.
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Husband wakes up after the New Year celebration and asks his wife:
- Did we celebrate a New Year?
- Yes.
- What day is it today?
- January 2
- What about January 1, is it already passed? -
Dad, which train is the latest one?
- Which?
- That one, which you promised to give me as present last year... -
- Son, who taught you such a bad word?
- Santa, mommy, when he tripped over my bike. -
- What we are going to do on New Year Eve?
- Drink vodka
- It's so boring! Let's not turn holidays in every day routine!