Client asks attorney: "What are your charges?"
Attorney replies: "$1000.00 per question"
Client: "How much?"
Attorney: "What is your third question?"
Bandits rubbed apartment of a very famous attorney.
Among many missing things was a parrot...
Thieves were shocked when parrot declined to answer their questions without presence of his attorney.
Two attorneys met for lunch at a local bar. Set down and started opening lunch bags.
Bartender addresses them: " We do not allow having your own lunches here!"
Attorneys immediately exchanged lunch bags.
- Where is the best security service?
- At Russian mausoleum!
- Why?
- No one ever was able to escape from it yet!
Policeman as diarrhea. When you don't have one - you not even think about it, but when you have one is too late to think!
If policeman stops you on the road and asks you to breathe - Hold your breath until your attorney arrives!
Attorneys became so expansive that it is cheaper to bribe a Judge!
In court room.
- Mr. Ten Bridge! Do you know what the consequences are for given false statements under the oath?
- Of course! I am going to get a new Mercedes and a golden parachute!
During court proceedings:
- "Mr.Golden, fly is sitting on your forhead!"
-" Mr. Shminkel What are you trying to say? That I am piece of sheet?!"
- "No, I am just saying that flies never make mistake, Mr. Golden!"
Meeting in Bar Association.
- "Do you know what was the verdict in Golden v.Shminkel case?"
-"yes, I do"
-"What were results? Who seats in jail?"
-"Prosecutor!"
Court room. Judge reads the order:
"Defendant must pay $10.000.00 penalties for crime he committed. Defendant, do you want to say anything?"
"I do. But you have such prices here.., your honor"- replies defendant.
Two neighbors:
-"Do you know what happened to Marvin who lives across the jail?"
- "What?"
- "Now he lives in that jail..."
Judge:
- Defendant, why did you rub a plaintiff, when you are very rich person yourself?!
- Love and jealousy your Honor - were the a real reason.
- Please explain!
- I admit that I passionately love money and become jealous to everybody, who has them!
Judge to the criminal:
- Congratulations! You are our 10.000.00 prisoner! Because of it you have a choice to make on where you want to spend your time? Choose the prison!
- Women's, Your Honor!!
Court room. Judge:
- Defendant! Do you admit that you were trying to get into the theater, while you were under influence of alcohol?
- Yes! I do... If I would be sober, such a thought would never cross my mind!
Court room. Judge:
- According to your claim, defendant said, that you are an idiot! Is it true?
- Yes, it is true!
- Then why you are complaining?
Court room. Judge
- Why you did not hire an attorney?
- Judge, all of them refused to take my case, when they learn, that I indeed did not take this five millions dollars!..
