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Complaint in the hotel's lobby:
- "very cold in the rooms, we slept in the hats, there are no blankets, dirty towels ant used toilet paper" - Hotel could be considered luxury if you have an electrical kettle in the room, but you could not find even electric plug
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Hotel's guest complaints to hotel's owner:
- "I live here for six month and just today you telling me that you don't have shower!" - In Turkey you could find new type of economy class hotels. You always can recognize them looking at dirty windows and by sign:" Everything shot down!"
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How you manage to know so many women?
- You need to learn how to create situation, when they are most willing and accessible.
- What is your secret?
- I rent room in the hotel and put the sign on the door: "Ladies" -
Man asking hotel's manager:"Sir, who is this lady who just passed by me?"
- She is a movie star.
- How often she stops at your hotel?
- Very often. Every time she is on a honeymoon. -
Russian woman came to America and took a room in a six star hotel.
One day she decided to take a sun bath and went on the hotel's roof. She completely undressed and relaxed, thinking that no one can see her. Few moments later hotel manager comes alone and asks her: "Madam, please dress up! Hotel's management has nothing against you taking a sun bath on the roof, but please, please dresses up!!" Russian woman cover herself with towel and asks:" Is it ok?"
- "No, madam, please dress up!"
- "But why?"
- "Because, madam, right now it is a lunch time and you lying on the glass roof of the restaurant!" -
Traveling married couple decides to stop at a hotel and at the front desk asks:
-" What rooms are available?"
- We have a large room with an ocean view... Sorry, folks, but for how long are you married?"
- 10 years
- "Then I can offer you a free Play boy channel" -
Hotel. Aged gentlemen asks hotel's attendant:
- "Dear, I forgot my umbrella in the room next to the fireplace. Please, go to my room # 1050 and look for it."
Elevator was not working and attendant took the stairs to 10th floor. 10 min later he came back sweating and barely holding the breath and reports:
- "Sir, you were absolutely right, you left umbrella next to the fireplace. Would you like me bring it over?" -
Before business trip, a Gentlemen reserved a room in the hotel. When he arrived to the hotel, management informed him that the room he reserved located next to the room of other gentlemen who snores really badly. Attendant asks:
- "Sir, we are very sorry, but there is no other room available. What are you going to do?"
- "Nothing. I am going to take the room I reserved."
- "Sorry, sir, but I think you going to be very disappointed in the morning"
- "Don't worry"
-"Ok, sir, here is your key"
Next morning same attendant asked:
- "How was your night, Sir?"
- "Very good, very good, thank you"
- "What did you do?"
- "I knock on the door of this gentlemen and said "good night, dear" And gave him a kiss. After that he did not snore and I don't think he even slept" -
An old hotel's attendant is giving lesson to a young one:
- We have very sensitive job, we need to be creative. When I was your age, I was cleaning the rooms. One day I entered unlocked room and went directly to the bathroom. In the bathroom I saw young lady taking the shower. I decided to tell her that I could not see her, and I sad: "Very sorry, sir". That means to be sensitive and creative!
Next morning they met again and young one complaint:
- "I followed your advise and I got fired"
- "What happened?"
- "Well, I entered unlocked room and went directly to the bathroom. Men and a woman were making love, so I told them: "Sorry, gentlemen" - On vacation, on private beach one beautiful, full figure blonde flirts with everybody. Then she pools a trick it looks like she is loosing a balance, and addresses a man who were passing by: "Gentleman, please help a lady" and receives response: " I am not a gentleman any longer, I am leaving tonight"
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Hotel attendant:
- "If you can't proof that this lady is your wife, I cannot give one room"
- "If you could proof that this lady is not my wife, I would be grateful to you for the rest of my life!" -
Married couple. Wife won the trip to the Paris and starts packing. Husband asks:
-"Dear, would you take me with you?"
- "Dear, if I would win a trip to Germany, it means you would offer me to take a German beer with me?" -
Sign in the hotel:"Everything for guests!"
- Do you have bed bugs?
- No, sir, .. But if you wish..." -
At the front desk, guest filling up form, then he screams:
- "What is that???"
- "A bed bug, sir!"
- "I don't have anything against your hotel having the bed bugs, but when they crawl out to spy in which room I am going to stay - it is a little too much!!!" -
Solder in the hotel:
- I would like to have a room, please.
- Sorry, we don't have anything available
- I need only one room
- Sorry, I sad no
- I would agree on your worst room
- Sorry, I already sad no
- Well, what would happen if Minister of Defense decides to come, would you have room for him?
- Yes, Sir!
- Then gave me a key from his room, he is coming! -
Hotel's owner:
- Fred, did you give a bill to the client from room 12?
- Yes, Sir!
- Strange.. And he still singing??? -
Lady-attendant asking hotel guest:
- Sir, when do you want me to wake you up?
- At 6am, please, but... in order to wake me up I need to receive a big kiss-flirting the guest
- Ok, Sir, I would give your message to Bobby -
Midnight, tired sales person stops his car near motel located in the bunnies.
When he comes to the door he saw other gentlemen and he asks him:
- What do you think, are we going to have a nice sleep over here?
- I think we will, I'm knocking on the door for two hours, no one wakes up. -
Two tourists stopped at the small hotel in the mountains. Owner offers them small and very dirty room.
- How much will cost this piggy place?
- For one pig -two dollars, for two pigs - three dollars -
Two friends stopped in the small motel. In the morning one asks another:
- How was your night? How did you sleep?
- Not so good. I found in my bed dead bed bug...
- But how dead bed bug could give you such a bad time?
- Well, dead bed bug could do nothing, but on his funeral came so much of his relatives!!!... -
Traveling salesperson bought a pound of cheese for his breakfast. It was a little to much for him to eat all. So, he had a dilemma: what to do with a cheese? Take it with him - not safe, through into the garbage - not good. Then he took cheese leftovers and hided it in the vase under the flower. Then he left a hotel.
Few days later he got emergency message from hotel administration: "We are surrender!!! Where did you put it???" -
Very angry hotel guest screams at hotel owner:
- This is outrageous!! You have a hole in the roof!! Rain pours directly in my bed! How long it going to last?
- Sorry, Sir, I don't know - I am not a weather channel. -
Unhappy licensor tells his land lady;
- I get used to idea that you reading my mail, but I don't want you to answer it! -
Conversation between licensor and land owner:
When I moved out of my previous apartment, my land owner was crying
- Don't worry, it is not going to happened here - I take deposit and payment upfront